Grief, loss and when my dad’s illness forced me to miss spring

Xavier Roger


My dad died last spring. Two months after a doctor diagnosed him with a fatal, neurodegenerative prion disease.

I lost those two months, and I can’t find them.

They’re not in the photos on my phone. They’re not in my text messages. They’re not in my dad’s memorabilia under my bed, on my dresser, in my closet. They’re not on the train, not in the car.

They’re lost in time. In space. They’re dandelions, little white specks floating across the grass.

Spring is a time of rebirth, of resurgence, of flowers in bloom and pollen and sneezes. A time of change toward something brighter, warmer. This is the season we spring forward.


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