Xavier Roger
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If I can’t see hunger, does it really exist?
I’ve pondered that question for years while dutifully avoiding exposure to poor people. So you can imagine my joy in learning of another American who shares my avert-your-eyes-and-everything’s-dandy solution to the so-called problems liberals are always prattling on about.
On Tuesday, Minnesota state Sen. Steve Drazkowski, a Republican, spoke out against a bill that will provide free school breakfasts and lunches to all students in the state.
“I have yet to meet a person in Minnesota that is hungry,” the senator said after labeling the bill a “socialist policy.”
He continued: “I have yet to meet a person in Minnesota that says they don’t have access to enough food to eat.”
Senator’s sensible comments on hunger not being real went viral
Precisely! Solving hunger is not hard if you believe it’s not really a thing. And how do you arrive at that belief? Simple: Just make sure you don’t wind up around anyone who can’t afford to eat. You know, avoid the riffraff and whatnot.
I’m certain this is a good idea because the video of Drazkowski’s comments swiftly went viral, and I’ve never known people on the internet to share things unless they 100% agree with them.
The senator went on to question why the definition of “hunger” wasn’t included in the bill.
Do we even know what ‘hunger’ means?
“Hunger is a relative term,” he said. “I had a cereal bar for breakfast, I guess I’m hungry now.”
Who’s to say? Having never witnessed hunger, and not understanding what the word itself means, how could Drazkowski possibly know if he’s hungry? Similarly, how can any of these alleged “schoolchildren” know whether they are hungry or not? And if hunger in youths can’t be confirmed, why would the Minnesota government need to give them all free meals?
Because Drazkowski has also never a met a person who should stop digging a hole, he later said: “This is a bill that is a solution in search of a need.”
Here come the liberals with their facts and figures
Predictably, the liberals in the Minnesota senate had “data” and “specific examples” that “highlighted the need” and “made Drazkowski look like a pompous aristocrat who hunts orphans for sport.”
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Democratic state Sen. Heather Gustafson said 1 in 6 kids in the state face food insecurity and, citing a figure from the Minnesota Department of Education, 18% of students qualify for school meal assistance but don’t get it because of complicated application processes. Giving all students access to free meals, she said, alleviates stigma and eliminates application issues.
Show me the hungry kids or forget your free lunch program!
That all sounds fine, but as I’m sure Drazkowski would say, where is Gustafson finding all these hungry kids? He has not met any, and unless the Democrats are willing to bring them all to the Minnesota statehouse to meet him, I don’t see why Drazkowski should back down from his sensible stance that hungry people/kids are a myth.
It’s amazing how great this country can be when we simply avoid exposing ourselves to its problems.
I’ve heard many say there’s a lack of affordable housing in America. Really? I’ve never met someone who can’t afford housing, and the one time I almost did I quickly ran away and hid in an alley so we couldn’t make eye contact. So that whole thing sounds made up to me.
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It takes courage to question the existence of things you don’t understand
And getting back to Minnesota, let’s consider the chestnut-collared longspur. Liberals claim this supposed “bird” is on the state’s endangered species list. But I’ve never met or even seen a chestnut-collared longspur, so why should I believe it’s on some list, much less an actual bird?
I applaud Sen. Drazkowski for having the guts to stand up and show nanny-state Democrats in Minnesota and across the country that child hunger is only a problem if you’re dumb enough to meet a hungry child.
We need more lawmakers like him.
Assuming he actually exists. I’ve never met him, so I can’t be sure.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Twitter @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
More from Rex Huppke:
Anti-transgender rules, rhetoric and legislation are a shameful stain on America’s soul
‘Dark Brandon’ shows up at State of the Union, mops the floor with lost Republicans
USA TODAY food drive donates nearly 670,000 meals, columnist declares self ‘awesome’
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